Blaming others sometimes comes naturally to most of us. Blaming others ( may it be people or things) is one of the most common human survival instincts or defense mechanisms. By blaming others, we give justification to a problem or a situation without taking responsibility.
Almost all of us have once in our lives blamed others so we could save our skin. So it is not surprising that addicts use this as well. So why exactly do addicts blame everyone but themselves? Listen to this podcast about sobriety.
1. They Blame to Justify Their Action or Addiction
At first, it could be real that they had reasons why they have started to take alcohol or to use a substance. It could be because there was a need for an escape, or there was a situation that demands a break. However, over time, addiction becomes a real problem.
An addict will always look for reasons as to why they are using a substance, not only to convince others but also to convince themselves.
2. They Blame Because They Fear Change
They bury their subconscious guilt by blaming others because by taking responsibility, it would mean that they recognize and admit that there is a problem, and it is their fault. By acknowledging that there is a problem, it would mean that there is something that needs to be changed, and that would mean that there is something that they need to change.
3. They Blame Due to Embarrassment
They are often embarrassed by their action and the consequences that follow while under the influence of a substance. It is embarrassing to admit that it is their fault. That every time they take drugs or alcohol, it is their choice, and they are the ones who chose it each time.
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they would rather blame people and situations like breakups, failures, too much work, problems with their boss, etc.
What Are the Other Traits an Addict Possess
1. An Addicted Person Lies
This trait is more prominent to addicts whose addiction remains unknown to other people, especially their loved ones. They need to come up with a lie each time they need to buy or use drugs or alcohol. They lie about why they need to go to some places to cover up each time they purchase or use drugs.
They need to come up with lies as to why they are using up more money than usual. When they run out of money to finance their addiction, they think of excuses they could use to ask other people (like their loved ones) to ask for more money. Like a car run out of gas, there is an emergency in school or at work, for charity, etc.
This behavior is not always easy to notice in the initial start of an addiction, more so if the addict is not known to be a lying person. Family and loved ones could easily dismiss all the unexpected frequent need for money as a coincidence.
If an excuse does not make sense, chances are it is just made up, and someone is lying to you. When the behavior of a person or a loved one has changed significantly, and when all the excuses do not add up, then it is time for you to pay closer attention. Observe their actions, listen to their words, and try to do counter checks to see if their excuses match. For example, if they ask for extra money for school or work expenses, try to call their school or workmate to verify their words.
Some addicts could be so good with lying that it becomes natural and second nature to them. They can cover all their tracks so you will not catch them in their lie. However, these lies and excuses would eventually catch up and bring chaos to the addicted life.
2. An Addicted Person Manipulates
This trait goes hand in hand with blaming other people and lying. A person under addiction feels like they cannot function without taking the substance that makes them addicted. Which can make these kinds of items feel like a basic necessity for them. Drugs can significantly alter a person, a person who was loving and open can become someone who will do anything to satisfy his or her addiction, to the point that they would manipulate other people, including their family.
Family and loved ones of an addicted person wants nothing but the person involved to get better, to seek help. (unless they are addicted too)
They would ask an addicted loved one to seek professional help, but an addicted person would be alarmed and feel cornered, and that is when they will use manipulation. When they feel like there is a potential threat to their substance-using, their manipulation starts.
They will say things like
(I have it under control.)
(Do not worry. I can stop this anytime.)
(This is just seasonal. I will stop eventually.)
(I am going through a lot right now)
(I am just a little stressed, I need this to calm down.)
(You are the reason why I started.)
Sometimes they will even use the love card and say
(If you truly love me, you will understand)
These kinds of manipulation often happen. They can also cause relation separation between spouses and other loved ones. An addicted person would promise that they would change. They would say that they would seek help, would stop getting drugs or alcohol that they would dispose of all of them. And they might even ask for help in the disposal of the substance they are addicted to show you their sincerity.
But be careful because often these kinds of promises last only for day/s or week/s. When they felt the need to have drugs or alcohol again, when they have a taste of it once more, it would start all over again. Sometimes worse than before. The blame and the manipulation will be stronger than ever before. Drugs stay in the body even after a person stops using it. Depending on the kind of drugs, and the duration of use, it could last to days or months before it is totally out of the body system.
They use these words and excuses to manipulate not only others but also themselves. Often, they think they have control over their addiction when in-reality they are the ones under control.
You need to understand that addiction manipulates a person. It controls a person, both action and thoughts. Addiction is not a game one could stop immediately, so be careful with the words you would believe because words and promises from an addicted person could be pure manipulation. Seek professional help. Unless there is complete removal of drugs in their system, it would still be able to have control over them.
3. An Addicted Person Can Become Involved With Illegal Activities
Alcohols and drugs are not cheap. Unless an addicted person has inherited or had saved up quite a fortune, the money would eventually run out.
This behavior does not happen to all addicts, but this could happen to the majority of them. When they have used up all their available money when they have sold everything they can when there is money owed to all their friends and family, and when there are no other means to get by the money needed to sustain their addiction, that is when it would start.
It could start small, like stealing money or things of value from friends or family. Then if this is not enough, they will consider getting into the drug business. They can start to sell drugs and become drug dealers. Or they can even get involved with a robbery, shoplifting, and the likes.
Substance addiction is like a time bomb if you do not diffuse them right away. It would eventually blow, and leave distraction in its wake.
Conclusion
Addiction can ultimately change a person. A person can turn from being responsible and healthy into irresponsible and destructive. Unless a person gets a drug fully out of their system, it will always be more powerful than they are.
They may not admit it, or they may not notice it, but they do not have control over the addiction, the addiction controls them. Because if a person truly has a strong will and has things under control, then he will not become addicted in the first place. He would stop on his own because a non-addicted person will know that this will not lead to anything good.
However, do not despair, there is hope when you believe there is. They are recovery programs and rehabilitation centers that could help bring back the person you love. These things take time, but they help. Rehabilitation centers are ideal because it is a controlled environment.
This kind of thing is a process. Do not be surprised if an addicted person turns hateful or aggressive during the duration of the program. This kind of process slowly forces the removal of the source of the addiction out of your loved one’s body. Your loved one could even hate you at some point, but this is all part of the process. Do not take it personally, because most times it is just the addiction talking.
There are different kinds of programs. You can ask for professional help and ask your loved one’s opinions to see which would best suit to help your addicted loved one towards self-healing.
Again, always remember, do not hesitate to ask for professional help (doctors or health counselors) to guide you and your loved ones to the path of recovery.
Raquel Pagdanganan is a Pharmacist by profession, but a writer by passion. She has written songs and poems from the age of 10. She has joined two spoken poetry competitions and was chosen champion in one.
- Can You Get Addicted to Alcohol from One Drink - September 9, 2020
- How to Help An In-Denial Addict - August 28, 2020
- Why Do Addicts Blame Everyone But Themselves? - August 22, 2020